Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
