What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
