I miss vodka workout Fridays
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
