I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
