so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
