there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
did you just send me my own nude
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
