The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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