Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
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I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
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We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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