You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
