your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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