May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
