Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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