is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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