make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
