Are we in a gay sports bar?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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