I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Randomize
