You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
