I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
