i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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