There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
