grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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