I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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