Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"