oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor