Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was

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(410): Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was http://tfl.nu/b47l

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(561): View more from Florida

So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?

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(561): So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell? http://tfl.nu/0nz8

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(904): View more from Florida

I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.

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(904): I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever. http://tfl.nu/t49u

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(319): View more from Iowa

By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"

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(319): By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection" http://tfl.nu/gcjm

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(315): View more from New York

Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.

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(315): Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication. http://tfl.nu/41jl

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(250): View more from British Columbia

It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group

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(250): It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group http://tfl.nu/b8ix

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(315): View more from New York

That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"

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(315): That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm" http://tfl.nu/evrk

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(573): View more from Missouri

I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.

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(573): I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot. http://tfl.nu/yflo

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(510): View more from California

After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.

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(510): After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip. http://tfl.nu/y98z

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(803): View more from South Carolina

the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar

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(803): the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar http://tfl.nu/ly2i

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(248): View more from Michigan

sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.

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(248): sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us. http://tfl.nu/2qw1

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.

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(781): He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory. http://tfl.nu/fp19

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(408): View more from California

After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.

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(408): After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex. http://tfl.nu/hxmy

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.

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(781): And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today. http://tfl.nu/2n0s

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(607): View more from New York

I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now

(315): View more from New York

I see you're taking unemployment seriously.

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(607): I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now (315): I see you're taking unemployment seriously. http://tfl.nu/5xru

Replies (3) Good night (2048) Bad night (446)

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