Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory