You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Dating After Heartbreak
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan