I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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