You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
