I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
