a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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