My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
