I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
