She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
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Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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