i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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