jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
