so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
