probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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