I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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