guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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