Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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