he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
