I wanna bring you to show and tell
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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