Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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