Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
