Porn is love you can see.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
