That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
