last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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