I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
