Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
