I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
