so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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