So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
