I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
