YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Porn is love you can see.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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