We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
