in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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