For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Use "feeling words"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?