do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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