Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How external is "for external use only"?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
