If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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