it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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