Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
