i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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