There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
