As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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