we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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