i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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