I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize