Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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