Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
