All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
