He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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