Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
