She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
