I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
