It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
